Nervousness

I've been feeling
a nervousness
ka-thump ka-thump

accelerated heartbeat

signaling

flight
or is it fight?

Ever since Sunday
My last Fare-Thee-Well
A mix of Footie and Bbq
Old friends and new
and some I barely knew
Some I expected but never came
Some I hoped would
ka-thump
ka-thump
but wouldn't

That's when I felt
nervous
out of control

It is Wednesday today
And I have seen stars
A planetarium filled with gaping eyes and glinting eyeteeth
and stars

(It is Tuesday
And I saw the moon, waning above a silver beach
and mdma within reach
Mellow yellow I stared into the bonfire
relaxed
kaaaaaaathump—too relaxed)

And it's Wednesday
and I'm
ka-nervous-thumpthump

Is it a residual high
brought on by the sun disappearing into an artificial vanishing point on a domed ceiling?
Is it the sensation of standing and tilting into a digital sky?
(Oh Planet-are-you'm, ka-thump, ka-boom)

Tethered mind
tie gone slack
today you are taut
s t r e t c h e d
to reasonable limits
under navigable forces that command black holes
and the ambiguity of Me
My here and there though neither at once
In quadrophenic stasis
I feel as though I feel
everything
hence, I guess
the nervousness

Ka-thump

For nothing ka-thump
really changes ka-thump
Time doesn't travel ka-thump
Life follows no lines ka-thump
The miniverse ka-thump
Nor the universe ka-thump
neither expands ka-thump
nor collapses ka-thump
as it matters to us ka-thump
Even the oceans ka-thump
on a slow boil ka-thump
shall not affect ka-thump
the grand ka-thump
grand ka-thump
grand scheme of things

In here, in consciousness and knowledge, there is no light and dark. Only movement.
And there is no justice, no judgment.

Just

A Hearbeat.